10 Moons ~ 40 Weeks Part 2: Conscious conception, a profound journey and becoming a portal for this sacred being’s birth.
I grew a human! I. Grew. A. Human. I’ve had to repeat this to myself constantly. With Milo being Earthside, it’s sometimes hard to wrap my head around the enigmatic truth that he was once inside, growing – and together our bodies, knowing what to do, grew him.
I have always loved biology and human anatomy, learning about nature and the nature of things, how things work. Studying human anatomy and understanding just this little bit of our incredible design (because there is so much that we don’t know, so much that is intangible and un-studiable) certainly increased my awareness and fascination with our amazing bodies. And now, going through the most powerful physical expression of human potential, creating a new life, absolutely blew my mind. I have gained so much more respect and admiration for our body, but more-so, the female body. Our unequivocal ability to expand, grow and house another human for this gestation, is an experience like no other. It deeply connected me to my body and purpose.
During my pregnancy, I was awe of how my body was expanding and transforming to create home for a new being, and also growing a human inside! It does take a certain amount of conscious thought to wrap your head around. Often, on the outside, it seems so abstract until the baby “comes out” – but to actually hold for a moment, the thought that our body is actively growing a human, can blow your mind.
It was really exciting to watch and feel my body grow! I remember at 13 weeks, I could feel him move! We were in Germany, and I could feel little tickles in my lower abdomen – a gentle popping sensation! It was absolutely incredible! Not having any ultrasound or prenatal screening, and giving full trust to my body and baby, and then feeling these movements, made it all so real and powerful in that moment! It was no longer this abstract process of growing a baby, but that it was really there! And doing well enough to move! I thanked my body and my baby for giving me the awareness to feel so early, and for communicating to me that “hey! I’m here!”. Any days when I wasn’t aware of movements, I’d take a moment to talk to my baby, and ask, “Is everything ok?” And soon enough, I’d feel a little flutter, or a big kick reassuring me that all is well and maybe he was just taking another nap.
I think about Milo’s birth constantly, almost every day. So many moments, making up the ‘big’ event, yet, so easily I forget how it felt to be with a belly, thirty pounds heavier and massaging or dancing; the discomfort of those last few weeks of trying to sleep but dreading nighttime and only really enjoying my naps; never feeling completely comfortable, but always feeling grateful and happy. I took many pictures and wrote a lot of reflection so that I would remember all the cool things my body allowed me to do during those transformative forty weeks. I respected it, and it gave me back so much! Now, I look back and feel “yeah! I did that! – I can do ANYTHING!”
I am so thankful for my tribe. I am who I am because of my tribe. For the support, the wisdom, the encouragement and sisterhood.
Check out my previous post for the story of my journey through pregnancy.
I know that many other mamas who have experienced birth might relate – and that we each have different experiences, however, I just knew it was time to share these words from my heart. Thank you for listening.
Love & Light,